My Least Favorite Things

Eight Things I hate
by

Huff


1. Thunderstorms. My human refuses to hide in the garage or the bathtub. She pats me on the head and says it will be okay. Tells me to lay down, to calm down. I really wish she would listen to me. But at least she rests her hand on me and that helps.   

2. The dentist. I don’t want to talk about it. But in case you missed it, my human shared her version of events.

3. Baths. I don’t even like it when the human takes a bath. I have to pace outside the bathroom door. It is exhausting. I don’t understand this odd behavior. She won’t go into the bathtub when I want her to, like during a thunderstorm.

4. The vet’s office. Except for the nice girls who work there and make a fuss over how handsome I am. Yeah, I like that part.  

5. Waiting.  I wait for her to wake up in the morning. I wait for her to come home in the afternoon. I have to wait to go out - apparently this is a big deal to her. I wait to take a walk, which means I wait while she puts on her shoes and finds her keys.

The worst waiting though is while she taps incessantly on the keyboard. She is right there in the house with me, but I have to wait. She should be petting me! Maybe I will go see the girls in the vet’s office.

6. A car ride - unless it ends it with something really worthwhile, like sandwiches.

7. Crunchy food. I blame the dentist. Okay, my mouth doesn’t hurt anymore, but I no longer have matching top and bottom teeth. Which means I can’t chew properly. I refuse to gulp my food whole. So no crunchy for me - soft and chewy only.

8. Cleaning day. There are horrible smells and dust flying through the air as she sweeps. My human disposes of all the bits of food I have stashed away. Cleaning day is the undoing of all my hard work to make our house feel like home.  

I’m pretty easy to please, just avoid the things on this list. Most especially keep me away from things that hurt my teeth (including the dentist) and give me lots of attention. Lots and lots of attention. Then we’ll be friends.